What's the Buzz?

The Dreaded Snow!

Code Red. It’s official – we’re under attack. Everyone knows the drill…run, hide, the snow is coming! Ok, call me crazy, but I believe we’re over-reacting just a little bit. Agree? There is a slight mention that snow may be coming, not totally confirmed, but the TV news stations are warning us that maybe, just maybe, we might get an inch, possibly several, could get nothing or we’ll have a complete white-out. Everyone panics.

Ok, so last week a lot of the country did experience some weather that was clearly unheard of in those parts, so I guess they had something to crow about. Technically, we could drop the alert levels, since DC was closed down for a week none of those bureaucrats could get into the office so our country might have been inflicted with less damage! Isn’t it funny how some people got so delighted because they equate snow as proof that there is no such thing as global warming, not knowing the difference between climate and weather? Not that funny.

I live in New England, where guess what? It snows! Usually fairly regularly, not breaking news. So back in ’78 we had this little blizzard that did bring us to a stand-still for a week or so (I was stuck in the Virgin Islands for an extra week - I know, what a bummer, I missed all the fun). Here it is, 30 years later and that blizzard still sparks panic and fear. People tell their children stories about being trapped, not having cable TV or video games. It was like the big one, WW2, on a scale of storms. I’m sure if you ask, you could find a lot more stories about how great it was having a week snowed in with your family and neighbors and how much fun it was. But because of the media we go into shear panic mode when there is even a mention of snowfall. We run to the grocery stores. We agonize about driving. We‘re not sure when we’ll ever get to Zumba class again!

The threat of the storm last week caused widespread panic. We got a call in the morning that a local concert was cancelled, restaurants actually closed, schools were closed, government offices closed (good thing) and snow emergencies were in place. This, all before one snowflake had appeared. Unbelievable.

I’ve decided the business to be in right now is selling “snow shelters”. I believe back in the 50’s they sold bomb shelters quite successfully, didn’t they? Think about it. How great would it be to have a shelter all set up and ready to go. No last minute runs to the market. Everything right there in your snow shelter just the way you want it. We could offer different packages; “Gourmet”, “30-minute meals”, “PG or R Rated Movies”, whatever the needs are, the important thing is that it’s there and ready for use. The “Exercise-Addicts” shelter would come equipped with free weights, yoga videos and cabinets stocked with Power Bars and Vitamin Water! The “Tech-Geeks” shelter would have a laptop connected to a huge generator, along with an X box, video games, iphone, ipod, blackberry, blueberry and snozberry!

We may offer a “Neighborhood Package” or “Friends and Family Package”, although this could get tricky when it comes to who you want in your shelter. We’d have to have a disclaimer on the side “this shelter could cause some family turmoil”. You might decide to keep your snow shelter a secret, so as not to get people lining up when “storm central” starts hitting the airwaves. I really think I’m on to something here and when I’m done buzzing I’ll be making calls to some venture capital guys to see if I can get some financing. I think I’ll talk to some furniture designers as well about a piece that can be used as a dining table, sofa and bed all in one, for my “custom shelters”.

Here’s my advice. Enjoy the snow. Spring is just around the corner…

P.S. One last thing networks need to know when they call emergency snow days - we don’t want to watch the weather on TV! Just give us Regis and Kelly. The View. Ellen. Rachel. Martha. In fact, give us anyone except a roaming reporter in a snow bank, just not that entertaining!